When we first hear that someone is engaged, we ask: Can I see the ring? How did he propose? When is the big day? Have you gone dress shopping yet? What are your colors?
I know this is true because I recently got engaged, and I’ve honestly asked those questions to my newly engaged friends. When did a wedding become so focused on the event itself? The venue, the dress, the colors… The focus becomes all about the materialistic aspects of the day – less about the man you promised to spend the rest of your life with. This doesn’t mean we cannot have a pretty dress and fancy food. I understand this is your one and only time you’ll ever get married, and maybe it will be the biggest day of your life. But that should never justify the fact that we are spending more time picking out flowers than we are down on our knees praying. As I plan my wedding, it is so hard not to get caught up in planning the “Pinterest perfect” wedding. I remind myself constantly of this simple truth I once heard from a friend: “A wedding is a sacred promise, not a production.” I truly believe that if we spent more time focusing on our upcoming marriage and less time on the wedding, the promise we make to our fiancés would be stronger. I want to think of my wedding first and foremost as the day I promise to love my fiancé, Aaron, not the day I will look the prettiest I’ve ever looked or the day I’ll get all the attention. Okay so this all makes sense… But how do we change this mindset that is so engrained in our minds from society? Here are a few ideas: Go to premarital counseling. There is no better way to prepare for a marriage than realistically talking through your future together. Learn each others’ love languages and practice them. Pray for each other. When you start stressing about the logistics of the big day, take a moment to sit down and pray over your relationship. Thank God for giving you the ability to have a wedding, and thank Him for blessing you with your fiancé. Pray with each other. One thing my fiancé and I learned from premarital counseling was how to have a three-way conversation with God. It creates another level of intimacy, spiritual intimacy that is so powerful. Limit your time on Pinterest. This one is hard, but it has really helped me. Pinterest doesn’t help you grow closer to your fiancé, it only helps you grow closer to materialistic perfection. In fact, it could cause disappointment, which could lead to feelings of dissatisfaction. Seek mentors/role models. Learn from married couples that you look up to. Seeing examples of strong Christian marriages will help form your idea of what a good marriage looks like. Involve your fiancé in the planning. This is his day too! And it’s fun to hear his ideas. :) Lastly, if you are not the one getting married, you can help the bride by changing your questions when you hear she’s engaged. Ask questions that will give her an opportunity to talk about her love for her fiancé. How refreshing would it be if our first reaction was: Are you excited to spend the rest of your life with the man of your dreams? How did you know he was the one?
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FOMO? — a trending psychological phenomenon common among the younger generation that stands for “Fear Of Missing Out.” Unfortunately, this IS a real anxiety. Try getting on Instagram or Twitter and browsing #FOMO, or Googling it and reading the hundreds of posts. The acronym was even added to the Oxford Dictionaries Online. We live in a society that thrives on the “social life.” Extroverts are praised over introverts, coffee shops are booming, and the Internet serves as a place to socialize more than a place to research and gather information. It’s not a bad thing that we are social beings – we are made to be social. It’s when our social lives (or lack there-of) begin to disrupt our happiness or contentment that we need to take a step back and make some changes. I have no chance of stopping FOMO by writing one blog post. I can, however, help you understand it and offer tips on how to resist it: Understand – It’s Normal FOMO is not shameful or wrong, it’s natural. It’s what we do with that “fear” that determines our character. For example: Your friends go out for a late night snack, and you know you will fail your next exam if you go with them… But fear kicks in: Sound familiar? Well, don’t worry, because it happens to almost EVERYONE. It’s important to understand that this fear is not uncommon or crazy, because then we can rationalize our thoughts and actions. Why? Why does it happen? We are constantly exposed to what our friends are doing through social media. Some may argue that Facebook, Twitter and Instagram drive people toward FOMO. Others argue that FOMO drives people toward social media because they feel the need to know what others are doing at all times. Either way, the result is the same: jealousy, insecurity and loneliness. Just Say No
It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. During elementary science fair: Just wait until you get to high school. During high school speech class: Just wait until you get to college. During college final exams: Just wait until you get into the real world. Okay so, what is the real world? It’s a symbol of maturity and success, but also regularity and boredom. To some, the real world is the unreachable goal. To others, it is the end of a carefree life and beginning of a strict one. I have challenged myself to define the real world by its true definition: the real world. Let me clarify – I mean the world I am living in right now. No matter what stage of life I reach, I will ALWAYS be in the real world. I’m not living in space, or Lego Land. I’m living in the same world I lived in as a five-year-old with light up sneakers and as a 14-year-old with braces. I could spend my whole life preparing for the real world and in return, forget to live in it. How horrible would it be to wake up 50 years from now and realize I chased something that was there the whole time? For those who want to avoid the real world, how saddening to know you spent your life escaping nothing. Believing the true definition of the real world does not mean that I get to sit back and forget about internships, resumes, and job applications. I will still prepare for the future while enjoying being young. It simply means I will have a different mindset. Why? Because striving for society’s definition of the real world creates 3 paradigms:
But understanding my definition of the real world allows for cleared vision:
My life right now IS the real world. I have not graduated college, or even considered applying for a full-time job, and I still live in an apartment on campus. I am an intern getting a taste of society’s real world, but to me it’s just another step in life. This step is just as important as when I learned to tie my shoe or when I got my driver's license. I challenge everyone to take this mentality and live like your world is real. As Jim Elliot said: “Wherever you are, be all there.” |
AuthorHello! My name is Kelly Reed and I was born and raised in the flatlands of Indiana. |